How's It Gonna Be?

-- I wrote this March 8, 2011....it showed up as January 26th so I had to edit it--

How is it that stuff that shouldn't bother you does?  Did that even makes sense?  Oh well - my blog - my thoughts -- get over it.  I guess I'm not the only one that feels this way. One of my bestie's & I have discussed the situations that bug us and thankfully, she feels the same way I do.  Things happen. People move on. You move on. The memories still remain.  The happiness of what was there kinda hangs on like a cobweb.  The what-if's haunt. People may fault me for my feelings or opinions.  You know what? I'm human.  I'm entitled to feelings. I'm entitled to my opinions.  You don't like them? So? I don't like your shirt.  Deal with it. ;) (that was supposed to be sarcastic humor).


On a different note: I'm ready for sunshine.  I'm ready for spring flowers.   I'm ready to be happy.  A week ago today we laid my Ma to rest beside my Popa.  I didn't think I'd be able to breathe but I did.  Wednesday wasn't so hard.  It's like a piece of me is missing BUT I have peace.  It's not to say that there is going to be a day when I won't have a complete meltdown....but right now I am taking it day by day.  I can only handle one day at a time.

A new year...another new beginning....

Happy 2011 all you **fabulous** people!

So I guess this year will start with the same resolutions we make every year: eat better, exercise more, be in better financial shape...you know the same old, same old.

But instead of starting this year that way....Hubs and I decided to END 2010 that way.  We joined a gym on Thursday.  Hubs went that afternoon, and I went yesterday.  He's already been this morning, and I'm going to go in a little bit.  I really hope this is the year that things happen.  I seriously want to be a healthier me.  A better mom, a better wife...a better everything.  I think my weight holds me back on a lot of stuff.  Mainly, just feeling comfortable in a room.

I (please hold your laughter) really want to do a 5k.  Seriously. I don't care if I have to walk the thing I want to do it.  My ultimate goal?  A half marathon.  I think I can...better yet. I know I can. I just have to get there.

A letter to my daughter on her 2nd birthday....

My baby girl-

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

Today (it's 12:04 a.m.!) you are 2 years old.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love you.  I watched you sleep for a while earlier and I remember watching you sleep when you were newborn.  You have changed so much!  You are soo smart -- you know so much and it cracks me up sometimes how you say something and it's in the right context.  You amaze me every day with the words you know. 

My heart is so full of love for you.  You are my long awaited blessing.  You are a huge answered prayer for Daddy and me.  There are so many people that love you in this world and you love them right back (when you are in a good mood - haha).  Your hugs are the bestest in the world!  Hearing you say "Mommy" and when I say I love you - you tell me "I wub you too" is the greatest feeling ever. 

I cannot imagine my life without you in it.  Being your mommy has been the greatest thing ever! I wonder sometimes if I am doing a good job and then I look at your little smiling face as you sing or read a book and I am reassured I am goind a good job.

I hope you know how much you are loved, Leah.   You are loved to infinity and beyond....don't ever forget that.  You are my firstborn, and no matter how old you get you will ALWAYS be Mommy's baby girl.  You are my world and I love you so very much!

With all the love in the world and beyond-
Mommy

Honestly.....

• I'm in a BIG OLE FUNK
• I love that song "Jar of Hearts"
• I cannot believe that my baby will be 2 in 9 days (since it's almost midnight I went ahead and did 9 days)
• I don't feel 34 years old.
• There are a few people I'd like to have long conversations with
• A really long road, a lot of music, and a good cry would do me good right now
• I keep finding more and more blogs to read. I have no idea how many I'm up to right now.
• I need motivation to get stuff done...I am so lazy when it comes to some stuff.
• I don't feel like there are enough hours in the day some days
• I hate diseases - cancer, dementia, and all the others out there
• I think I'm going to go to bed.....

Do You Know Who I AM? -- The Book

I cannot tell you the number of times throughout the book, I have thought to myself “that’s me!!” I read Angela Thomas’ latest book and I love it. She goes after those questions that so many women (and probably men, too) have and after the question is asked - God answers. Can’t you just see God putting His arms around us, giving a big hug, and time after time telling us – I am who I say I am. These are the tough questions…these are the questions that I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to just anyone and asking. It’s nice to know that God is the I AM that we need. He’s always going to be there.

Every chapter Angela has written is a wonderful reminder of just who God is. There’s nothing that He can’t (or won’t) handle. I think sometimes I forget that. One line caught my attention. Well, MANY caught my attention but this one stuck:

"A woman can forget about the riches she has received

because she has grown accustomed to their presence.”

Whoa. I’m so guilty of that. I get used to the way things are and just go with the flow until something shakes the way – then I “get out of the fog” so to speak and see what’s around me.

I hope that you will pick this book up for yourself. Read what God says. I’m sure there is at least one chapter that will hit you where you are. Many hit me.

Just good ole boys....

I love the "Dukes of Hazzard"....we're watching it now.  I remember watching this when I was a little girl. I loved Bo Duke (aka John Schneider).  Of course, as I've gotten older, I've noticed that Luke was/is quite the looker, too.  Tom Wopat....did any of you ever see him on "Tool Time"?  I wasn't impressed with his character because he made a pass at Jill.  And he sings!

Ok...let's see...Weekend recap:  Friday night was Homecoming and our local rival game against Coffee County.  Tullahoma is in Coffee County, but we have Tullahoma High School.  Manchester is the county seat and the city schools and county schools both end up at Coffee County High School.  Every year, we play the biggest game of the season for the Coffee Pot Trophy.  Tullahoma won after a crazy battle 43 to 39.  It was a nail-biter!

Yesterday, I went to a Women's fellowship at church.  Jennifer Ray was the speaker...There were about 23 of us.  It was fun :)  She was talking about the season's of life that we go through.  She said something that was revealed to her was that no matter what season you are in you need to see (sea) the Son (son).  Isn't that great??

This morning, we made it to Sunday school (a little late) and then on to church.  Bro. Tim had a great message.  Wednesday night, he and the other members of the mission team that went to Montana are going to be sharing their stories and pictures. I can't wait!  Everytime they show a video of some sort of missions at church, I cry.  I don't know what is so strong to draw me to that but I cry. Without fail. John does, too.  Not sure what that means - so say a prayer for us for direction and God to reveal what it means.

Tonight I missed small group because we went to Huntsville to shop a little.  We got back later than I thought we would.  I'm looking forward to this next week's daily study and actually making time to do it.  Why is that so hard? 

Out of Sorts....

I don't like this feeling.  It's that unsettled feeling.  Like there's so much going on inside your head that you can't sort it all out because it's a jumbled mess.   I have a few friends that I'm worried about...like that deep in your gut gonna cry your eyes out in 1.4 seconds if you can't hold it together.  Just different stuff for all of them ya know. 

I went to small group Sunday night...the class I'm in is doing "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas.  I have yet to do one of the daily studies.  Why you ask? I really don't know.  Maybe I'm afraid to be out on the dance floor instead of by the wall. 

I guess I need to go do a study...I think it will do me good.  I hope so. This jumbled mess in my head has got to go.