Afraid to Dream....

I was watching "The Biggest Loser" last week and O'Neal said something about being afraid to dream. I've been thinking about that statement ever since then. I am afraid to dream. I am afraid of getting my hopes up and dreaming about what "could be". Now, my dream sequence heads down the road of being smaller....thinner...healthier.

It's possible - somewhere down the road. Between 2004 & 2005, I lost nearly 75 lbs. with Weight Watchers. I felt better about myself and was actually proud of what I had accomplished. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I got pregnant in September of 2005. I miscarried. After that happened I ate everything that was put in front of me. I didn't care. I wanted to fill that void with something. Needless to say, the food didn't help heal me. I gained everything back plus a few.

I've tried since then to lose. I did lose a few before I got pregnant with Leah. I only gained 12 lbs with her. I had an absolutely wonderful pregnancy with her. No gestational diabetes, no pre-eclampsia or pregnancy induced hypertension. I lost about 30 lbs during her first month. I soon returned to my junk eating and there came the weight. Ugh.

So, here we are again. Thinking I am going to do something about this weight. Well, I have another incentive. I don't have a gallbladder anymore. It came out on Friday. Hopefully, this will help kickstart my healthier eating and more active lifestyle (if the weather could cooperate for walks). I'm ready. I want to be hot. I don't have to be any particular size, I just want to feel comfortable in whatever size that may be. -- BUT IT's NOT THIS SIZE!--