A letter to my daughter on her 2nd birthday....

My baby girl-

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

Today (it's 12:04 a.m.!) you are 2 years old.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love you.  I watched you sleep for a while earlier and I remember watching you sleep when you were newborn.  You have changed so much!  You are soo smart -- you know so much and it cracks me up sometimes how you say something and it's in the right context.  You amaze me every day with the words you know. 

My heart is so full of love for you.  You are my long awaited blessing.  You are a huge answered prayer for Daddy and me.  There are so many people that love you in this world and you love them right back (when you are in a good mood - haha).  Your hugs are the bestest in the world!  Hearing you say "Mommy" and when I say I love you - you tell me "I wub you too" is the greatest feeling ever. 

I cannot imagine my life without you in it.  Being your mommy has been the greatest thing ever! I wonder sometimes if I am doing a good job and then I look at your little smiling face as you sing or read a book and I am reassured I am goind a good job.

I hope you know how much you are loved, Leah.   You are loved to infinity and beyond....don't ever forget that.  You are my firstborn, and no matter how old you get you will ALWAYS be Mommy's baby girl.  You are my world and I love you so very much!

With all the love in the world and beyond-
Mommy

Honestly.....

• I'm in a BIG OLE FUNK
• I love that song "Jar of Hearts"
• I cannot believe that my baby will be 2 in 9 days (since it's almost midnight I went ahead and did 9 days)
• I don't feel 34 years old.
• There are a few people I'd like to have long conversations with
• A really long road, a lot of music, and a good cry would do me good right now
• I keep finding more and more blogs to read. I have no idea how many I'm up to right now.
• I need motivation to get stuff done...I am so lazy when it comes to some stuff.
• I don't feel like there are enough hours in the day some days
• I hate diseases - cancer, dementia, and all the others out there
• I think I'm going to go to bed.....

Do You Know Who I AM? -- The Book

I cannot tell you the number of times throughout the book, I have thought to myself “that’s me!!” I read Angela Thomas’ latest book and I love it. She goes after those questions that so many women (and probably men, too) have and after the question is asked - God answers. Can’t you just see God putting His arms around us, giving a big hug, and time after time telling us – I am who I say I am. These are the tough questions…these are the questions that I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to just anyone and asking. It’s nice to know that God is the I AM that we need. He’s always going to be there.

Every chapter Angela has written is a wonderful reminder of just who God is. There’s nothing that He can’t (or won’t) handle. I think sometimes I forget that. One line caught my attention. Well, MANY caught my attention but this one stuck:

"A woman can forget about the riches she has received

because she has grown accustomed to their presence.”

Whoa. I’m so guilty of that. I get used to the way things are and just go with the flow until something shakes the way – then I “get out of the fog” so to speak and see what’s around me.

I hope that you will pick this book up for yourself. Read what God says. I’m sure there is at least one chapter that will hit you where you are. Many hit me.

Just good ole boys....

I love the "Dukes of Hazzard"....we're watching it now.  I remember watching this when I was a little girl. I loved Bo Duke (aka John Schneider).  Of course, as I've gotten older, I've noticed that Luke was/is quite the looker, too.  Tom Wopat....did any of you ever see him on "Tool Time"?  I wasn't impressed with his character because he made a pass at Jill.  And he sings!

Ok...let's see...Weekend recap:  Friday night was Homecoming and our local rival game against Coffee County.  Tullahoma is in Coffee County, but we have Tullahoma High School.  Manchester is the county seat and the city schools and county schools both end up at Coffee County High School.  Every year, we play the biggest game of the season for the Coffee Pot Trophy.  Tullahoma won after a crazy battle 43 to 39.  It was a nail-biter!

Yesterday, I went to a Women's fellowship at church.  Jennifer Ray was the speaker...There were about 23 of us.  It was fun :)  She was talking about the season's of life that we go through.  She said something that was revealed to her was that no matter what season you are in you need to see (sea) the Son (son).  Isn't that great??

This morning, we made it to Sunday school (a little late) and then on to church.  Bro. Tim had a great message.  Wednesday night, he and the other members of the mission team that went to Montana are going to be sharing their stories and pictures. I can't wait!  Everytime they show a video of some sort of missions at church, I cry.  I don't know what is so strong to draw me to that but I cry. Without fail. John does, too.  Not sure what that means - so say a prayer for us for direction and God to reveal what it means.

Tonight I missed small group because we went to Huntsville to shop a little.  We got back later than I thought we would.  I'm looking forward to this next week's daily study and actually making time to do it.  Why is that so hard? 

Out of Sorts....

I don't like this feeling.  It's that unsettled feeling.  Like there's so much going on inside your head that you can't sort it all out because it's a jumbled mess.   I have a few friends that I'm worried about...like that deep in your gut gonna cry your eyes out in 1.4 seconds if you can't hold it together.  Just different stuff for all of them ya know. 

I went to small group Sunday night...the class I'm in is doing "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas.  I have yet to do one of the daily studies.  Why you ask? I really don't know.  Maybe I'm afraid to be out on the dance floor instead of by the wall. 

I guess I need to go do a study...I think it will do me good.  I hope so. This jumbled mess in my head has got to go.

My big girl....

My baby girl went peepee on the potty earlier.  She is getting so big.  It's so bittersweet.  I know she has to grow up, but why does she have to do it so fast???  She will start preschool on Tuesday.  It's just 2 mornings a week and it's very exciting, but just another step with her growing up.  I was packing up some of her clothes that she has outgrown (just in case we have another baby in a few years and it's a girl) and I was B-A-W-L-I-N-G!  It was awful. 

I'm sure all parents feel the same about the kiddos growing up.  I never expected it to be so emotional.  All her clothes make her look like a toddler now instead of a baby.  She drinks easily from cups with straws now and makes sentences.  She can sing "Jesus Loves Me" and do some hand motions, too.  She knows her colors, animals, and body parts.  She'll be 2 in October....2! *sniff, sniff*

To my Leah girl -- you are the biggest blessing EVER.  I am so proud to be your mommy and can't imagine life without you.  You make me smile and laugh and question my sanity all in the same breath.  You are the apple of my eye and I love you so very much! I am very proud of my girl!
Love,
Mommy

I breathe in...

I breathe out...put one foot in front of the other...

That's a song by Chris Cagle.  I LOVE IT!  I bet I've watched it on youtube about 100 times.  It is actually playing in the background as I type.  Ahhh.....

My grandmother is in a nursing home.  She's been there 2 weeks tomorrow.  I believe this is one of the hardest things to do.  It's necessary though. I know that.  She has dementia.  She was diagnosed in late January.  She's always been fiesty and had a temper, but it had just gotten worse.  The director of a geriatric psych facility that we went to talk to in Dec or Jan told us that dementia brings out the negative aspects of a person's personality. He wasn't kidding.  It is/was very difficult to listen to things coming out of her mouth that were so untrue, but in her reality was truth.  It's very hard to look at a person you have loved and trusted your entire life and just feel cut in half by things that are said.  She spent 3 weeks at the hospital before we had her moved to MHCC.  During the first week she was at the hospital, it became painfully obvious what we needed to do. And we did it.  I don't feel as much guilt as I did before, but there is still some there. 

July 18th my grandpa (who I called daddy because he was the only dad I ever knew) passed away 16 years ago.  Last weekend, she asked me if I had been to his grave.  Now, I haven't been over there in a long while.  I can't go.  I can go to any other cemetary and it doesn't bother me too much.  I drive by this one and it cuts me to the core.  I know he's not there, but still....it's what you do.  You visit the cemetary once in a while.  Maybe one day I will go again.

Leah is awesome...she is starting to talk in sentences...and we can understand her.  I never knew how much I could love someone until I had her.  I mean, I love John, but this is different. 

I guess I'm done for the night...I have tons of other stuff going through my head but that's for another time. Besides, it's really just rehashing stuff I've posted in my blogs before.

QOTD: Why can't we just let things go? Why do we hang on to stuff from the past so much?

Late night ramblings....

I am following the lead from another blog and just writing random notes here....just thoughts in my head.

Dear you..
I am wondering why I commented on a status today and then the status was gone.  You had posted a video and the song has stuck with me all day. Just wondering about that whole thing....I shouldn't even wonder. But I do. So there.
- Shel
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To you people -
Do you not realize we all get dressed the same way in the morning?  You aren't any better than anyone else.  You need to get over yourself.
Sincerely,
Me
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Dear Jennifer-
I miss you! I wish you lived closer.  Why can't you at least move to the Boro? Or Huntsville? Please?
-Shelly
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Dear John (that didn't sound good did it),
You are snoring beside me and I love you dearly.....but if you keep me awake I will pluck out your mustache with tweezers. Love you!
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Dear 1980s music writers/artists,
You have no idea the impact that the music still has on me 20 years later. They sure don't make music like they used to. There is no way to compare the ballads/love songs of today from the ones in the 80s/early 90s. NO. COMPARISON. WHATSOEVER. 
Signed,
A faithful listener

PS I probably will be the lady in the rocker on her porch in her 70s blasting 80s music. Just sayin'.
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Dear Sleep,
I guess it is time that I try to meet you now being that it is 12:03 am on Thursday, July 8th. 
And to that I bid adieu

Day of Blogging Silence for Baby Cohen

http://sendlovetocohen.blogspot.com/

Show Us Your LIfe....

Linking up over at Kelly's Korner for today's SUYL...CHINA PATTERNS

John and I picked out 2. Don't ask me why. I think I had read waayyyy too many bridal magazines that said in that Southern fashion "Pick 2, Pick 2" and I did. I had to find pictures of it off the web because mine is still packed up in our storage unit until I get dining furniture that I love (with a china cabinet I can keep little hands out of).

The first one is Wedding Band by Mikasa. I love the simpleness of it and that I can put any color on the table (flowers, napkins, etc) and it won't clash. My aunt, cousins, and a friend of the family bought my place settings. I was soooo excited.

The second one we chose was Stoneleigh by Nortiake. It has the same draw as the Mikasa. I have 2 or 3 settings of this one. I didn't have any formal glassware or silver. I will get that when I find a pattern I absolutely love. Besides, it's not like I have used the china yet!

Puzzle pieces...

I'm a puzzle piece. I just don't fit in some places....and I struggle with that. I'm not always put together (no kidding, right?). I'm usually in jeans or capris and a tshirt. I have very few dressy type shirts/oufits in my closet. I shop in the plus dept. I don't wear a lot of jewelry or makeup. My hair is usually in a ponytail. I work. We, unfortunately, don't have the resources for me to be a stay at home mom. Do I think I'm missing out? Yes! Do I struggle with it? You better believe it. Not as much as I did when Leah was first born, but I still do.

I just don't think I fit in with most other women. I have very few close girlfriends. I try not to alienate myself from things. Honestly, I don't do a lot of things because we simply don't have the extra money to do it. No, I'm not wanting sympathy. I don't want people to think "awww poor things" or any stuff like that. I'm just sayin.

John and I don't have our own home. We lived in an apartment when we first got married, then talked to my grandmother about us living with her while we paid some stuff off and then bought a house. Well, 8 years, 2 cars that needed replacing, a job change, a baby, a cancer diagnosis (and current remission for John), and we're still here. Now, with her having dementia and me wanting more than anything to leave- it's not possible. Guilt about leaving - yes. Money issues? Yes, we have debt. Yes, John listens to Dave Ramsey. No, it's not going away anytime soon.

I struggle so much with just wanting to be content. I know I'm extremely blessed to have John and Leah. I know that God has a plan...I know there's a lesson in everything. I know I should be patient. But it's hard. I don't want a big house. I don't want new cars (especially since mine is paid for and Hubs will be in a few months). I want a home for our daughter. I want a friendly, inviting place that people are welcome to drop by whenever. A place where I can fix meals and have little parties and such (finances allowing that is).

I'm really not trying to have a pity party post...I'm just trying to get some stuff out of my head. Maybe by typing this all out it will help me sort it out - who knows. If you made it this far - you're amazing :)

RAKs....

Linking up over at Kelly's Korner today for "Show Us Your Life" Friday...Today's topic is: Random Acts of Kindness. Yes, I'm aware today is Saturday. I couldn't keep the internet connection last night...It would stay on for about 5 minutes then I would lose the connection to the router. Ugh.

Ok...back to the topic at hand. Random Acts of Kindness. These are things that I have done or want to do....I love this kind of stuff :)

1. Sending little notes/cards of encouragement. I love doing this. I love getting mail besides bills. I have a whole box of cards to choose from and I'm constantly looking for new ones. I may or may not sign my name to them.

2. Paying for the person behind you in the drive thru. I haven't actually done this yet, but I may do it one day this week. Kind of one of those hidden blessings ya know?

3. Make a meal (or part of one) for someone that's sick, has a new baby, or just because.

4. Be nice to the checkout clerks. I've been on that side of the register and it made things better if the customer was friendly. You may be having an awful day, but don't take it out on the cashier. They've probably seen 100 of people just like you - be that 1 person that makes a difference :)

Those are the ones off the top of my head.

Show Us Your Life...

Kelly's Korner has "Show Us Your Life" every Friday. Today is my first day to participate :) Today's Topic: Things that you love/enjoy :)

My husband and daughter -- John and I have been married almost 11 (eek!) years...Leah is our little miracle. She is almost 19 months old. This picture was Easter Sunday.

The rest of our family, too: Pam, Alla Mae, Casey, Cristy, Ja'Von, Taishun, Dot, John, William, Kevin, Venus, Vanity, Logan, Cadie, Tyler, Brandi, Matt, AJ & Shelby, John, Barbara, Carl, Jeremy, Rebecca, Lance, Seth, & Rayne....plus all the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc :)

My Church & Church Family!

Music!

My friends that love me no matter what!

Blogs! I have a few that I love to keep up with. I'm always adding new ones it seems.

Nicholas Sparks books....he just has a gift.

Laughing

Girl's Nights

I guess that wraps up my SUYL Friday post :)

Becoming Domesticated....

Stop Laughing.....I can still hear you!

Seriously. I am going to try to become more domesticated. I'm actually going to try and put the clothes up after I fold them instead of leaving them in the laundry basket (I know I can't be the only one that does that...). I want to prepare meals for my family instead of figuring out who's getting our money tonight - McDs? Taco Bell? KFC? Hmm??

What is tonight's meal you may ask? I'm so glad you did!
Poppy Seed Chicken
Green Bean Bundles
A Vegetable yet to be decided
and
Coconut Cake (complete with Coco Lopez)

Ok. If you haven't heard of Coco Lopez - it's cream of coconut. The 3 dishes I've listed here can be found over at Kelly's Recipe Blog. I also have been looking over at The Pioneer Woman's blog and oh my the recipes!!!!

I'll take pictures and share tomorrow....

Monday, Mon...er...Tuesday, Tuesday

It's Tuesday, May 18, 2010 there are....kidding. I really don't know how many days are left in the year.

We went to Nashville on Saturday. Now any normal person would have no problem driving down I-24 into downtown. Nope, not me. We kept getting closer to Bell Road/Blue Hole Road where all the flooding was on the interstate and I started getting antsy. Not because I thought there would be another flash flood right then, just because there was history there. People lost their lives there. So, yes, when we got to the area and I looked at the road, at the median concrete things, the trees with the debris AT THE TOP OF THEM: I cried. It was overwhelming almost....I didn't know these people. I was very blessed and still had my home, my vehicle, my possessions - my LIFE. But I cried. Thankfully, Hubs didn't look at me like I had lost my mind. I looked at him and said "sorry" and noticed he had teared up a little, too.

We made it to Lifeway where Angie Smith was signing her book. I got to talk to her for about 10 or 15 minutes and it was like talking to a friend - not someone you just met. She was sooo nice, soooo real, and soooo pretty (Even at 35 weeks pregnant with Miss Charlotte). I could have talked to her all day. Keep her in your prayers...if you have read her blog you know the anxiety she is feeling with the upcoming delivery of Miss Charlotte and some medical issues she (Angie) has been having.

Then we made our way over to the zoo. We made it through half of it before it started thundering and raining. One of the ladies in the (overpriced just because it says ZOO on it) gift shop told us that she had heard over their radio that the elephants and giraffes were going a little nuts because of the thunder so they were being put up. Oh well, another trip for another day. Maybe in the fall cause it was wicked hot. In the tiger exhibit, the bengal tiger was pacing, pacing, pacing...I wonder if he knew about the weather. It was kinda strange.

We had a great day together. I love spending time with my little family. Seems like we miss so much cause it's always run run run run run...it's nice to have a day to just do whatever.

On a different note - are there any blogs you read that you want to share? I follow a bunch of them and seem to add a new one about every week. I love it. You never know who is feeling what you are and you feel like you're the only person it's happening to.

I guess that's all for now....I'm sure I'll have more later.

Really Random....

I'm not sure where I'm going with this or how it will turn out but here it is. My mind is going in 16,000,000 directions and I hate it. I am a planner. I'm not much for being spontaneous. Yeah being spontaneous is fun and fulfilling at times, but I usually like to have some sort of idea what's going on. I wish that my mind would shut off long enough for me to get some sleep, but I don't think tonight is the night.

Do you ever have something you want to tell someone but just because of situations you don't?

Anyhow -- carry on...

I'm reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity". Holy cow. I am seeing myself on every page. Wonderful read! Barnes and Noble was offering Angie Smith's "I Will Carry You" book as an ebook for free. I downloaded that puppy and have cried most of the way through it. I highly recommend both of them. (picking back up after I went to sleep finally at 2 a.m.). I got halfway through IWCY. I kinda knew what to expect because I read Angie's blog, but it was nothing in preparation for the words of Angie as she goes through the grief surrounding the death of her daughter (who, incidentally, was born 6 months and 23 days before Leah). I cannot even begin to imagine her pain - nor do I want to.

Mother's Day was not how I had planned. Bug had her 18 month appointment on Friday. She got 2 shots...one was the Hep A (I had forgotten about her getting it but anyhow) and the other was a booster for a strep/pneum (I think) shot series she got last year. Hello, shots....welcome fever. All. Weekend. Long. We had to go to a wedding and she was in a good mood, just had that stinkin fever going on. Midday Sunday she finally got better. We didn't go to church Sunday because even though I knew it was from the shots, I didn't want to take her back there with the other kids just in case.

I still have moments when I go "wow, I'm a mom". After 8+ years of waiting and praying and crying and screaming (at John, at God, at whoever) she is here. I love that little girl so much. I'm so proud that God chose me to become her mommy. She is a special girl.

I guess I'll sign off for now...I'm sure I'll have more to say later (still a little drowsy over here).

I'm a Tennessean...

And I'm extremely proud to be one. We have a natural disaster roughly 80 miles from where I live -- in a city I love to visit, had my child at one of the hospitals there, had fun with friends there, met lifelong friends there. And most of the places that are favorites are in ruins.

Have we gotten national coverage? If you count 15 minutes coverage - sure. I told my boss the other day (and have since read it many places) the reason we don't have national coverage is because we're behaving. There aren't any reports of looting, people killing each other for whatever reason, or anything like that. There are neighbors helping neighbors. Strangers helping strangers. We are called the Volunteer State after all.

I'm also proud to be from Coffee County. A few of our fine folks on the Rescue Squad are in Nashville & other areas helping out with rescues. My cousin, Joey, works for the Franklin Fire Dept and I know he and his co-workers are working to help out too.

It's hard to look at the pictures of places that I have visited and places that I always wanted to visit, but hadn't had a chance to, in a mess. A big mess. A "it's going to take us a long time if we ever recover" mess.

So, I ask for prayers -- for lives lost and the surviving families, for the people who lost it all, the businesses (especially the mom/pop operations), the rescue workers, just everyone. Prayers work -- Leah's proof!

Can we say bummed?

I got a message on Facebook earlier from my aunt. She was telling me that my other aunt was in the hospital and it wasn't looking good. At 6:30, she called me and let me know that my cousin had just called her and told her that Aunt Bessie had passed away. My heart is so heavy. I know that there is a time appointed for everything (it's in Ecclesiates) and I know God has all our days planned. But still...it sucks. A little background...these are technically my great aunts (my grandmother's sister and sister-in-law) since my mom is an only child. My grandma (Ma) is one of 6. Wilma, Louise, Frank, Ma, Bessie, and Jimmy. Ma was 11 years old when my great-grandmother passed and my Uncle Jimmy was 9 months old. My aunts Wilma and Louise had passed away before I was born. Uncle Frank died in 1986 I think. Uncle Jimmy - August of 2009 and now Aunt Bessie.


12 days ago, my aunt Bessie's granddaughter was murdered. Yep, you read that right. Murdered. By her husband....her correction officer husband. She was 28 years old. Now, my cousin Jackie is not only still grieving the loss of his daughter, but the loss of his mom. :o(

So, needless to say this isn't my typical post. Hopefully the next one will be better.

Testing Signature....

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

As you can probably tell by now, the blog has a new look. I needed a new look for spring. I found this new place called Shabby Blogs. I found it on another blog I was reading. They have really cute stuff! And it's F-R-E-E! Gotta love free! I tried out a few new looks before I chose this one. Hope you like it...and if you don't...well, :oP

It's been cool the past few days...I got used to the 80+ degree weather so this is not a nice change. It is really nice with the sunshine though. I love riding with the windows down....until a bug flies in the window then I'm out!

I can't wait until Saturday! My mom, sister, & I are going to First Baptist to watch Beth Moore's simulcast from Atlanta. The topic? "So Long Insecurity....you've been a bad friend" YES!! I so need that. I am terribly insecure. I may not show it all the time (I've been told I put on a good front), but I am a constant worrier about stuff. I have the need to fit in (don't we all?) but I won't put myself out there most of the time because I will talk myself down. Most of the time I don't feel like I belong and so that stops me from doing things that sometimes I really, really want to do. You know....I'm 33 years old. If I want to do something, I should be able to right? RIGHT? Nope, not me.

I'm sure someone out there can identify. I always talk myself out of stuff "you aren't thin enough...you don't have enough money...you don't have your own house....you aren't close enough to God...you don't dress well enough....and it goes on and on and on." I'd like to say that I've created these situations in my head and that they don't really exist. Probably the one that is truly "me created" is the one about God. No, no one has come straight out and said any of those things to me. If they did, I probably would never go out of the house again.

I know that not everyone is like me...I'm a bit of an odd duck. One of my spiritual gifts is hospitality. I want to make sure everyone feels welcome and at ease. I think that's part spiritual gift and part just being Southern (ha!). I, however, do not always feel welcome. Even with people that I have been around for years...I feel like the odd man out. Maybe I need to step out of my box more...maybe I need to put myself out there more. To be honest, I will only go so far before my feelings get hurt and I shrink back to my little corner of the world.

Come on...I know I'm not the only one. *crickets chirping* Uh....hello?

The truth...

I love blogs and to blog. I keep finding more to add to my favorites list. I love reading what other people are having to say. I have cried, laughed, cried some more, been inspired, etc. by blogs. The neat thing I have found with blogspot is you can hit "next blog" and be taken to a totally random blog. I've skimmed over some of those, but my favorite thing is getting to someone's blog I know and choosing one of those to read.

I strongly encourage anyone to blog. I find it rather therapeutic and sometimes it's that listening ear you need. No, you may not get a response from anyone but the thing is you have it out there if someone wants to respond. I admit I usually don't comment on people's blogs. I'm a reader mostly....

Ok, onto other things...

Bug, Hubs, & I went to the big city today. Mufreesboro. Lifeway Christian Stores & 94.1fm the Fish were having a fun day. Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, Doug from 94.1, and the Chik-Fil-A Cow were there. Leah loved Bob & Larry, but wasn't too sure about the cow. I kinda think it's because the only cow she has ever seen has been on 4 legs and in a pasture. I think the CFA cow kinda threw her LOL. Here are some pics from the day....

It's not very often that it's just the 3 of us that go somewhere. We try to include grandparents whenever we can, but today we decided to just make it a day for us. We definately need more of these.

The world looks mighty good to me....

I love Spring (like I said in an earlier post - allergies not included!). I love everything blooming and coming to life after a winter slumber. I love flowers-especially wildflowers. I love the smell of people grilling. I love riding around with the windows down and the music up. I'm not a real girly girl so if my hair gets messed up it's not going to do me in. I'll just deal with it.

I started going to the tanning bed Monday. I know, I know it's not really good for you but it's almost therapeutic for me. I felt so much better after going on Monday. I think it's the artificial light...really helps. Plus - tan fat is better than white fat - just sayin'.

I was up until after 12 last night trying to read all I wanted to on Facebook. Today was a long day. My eyes are getting heavy, so I suppose I'll get off of here. **YAWN** Night!

Here comes Peter Cottontail....

Easter has come and gone. We had a great weekend. I got off work early Friday, went to get Leah, and we headed to Wal-Mart. Chaos! I really didn't think it would be that busy on a Friday afternoon at 3 p.m. but it was. We got what we needed (including a Smithfield ham!) and headed out. We didn't go to the Tenebrae Service Friday night. Our Tenebrae service is people reading Scripture, it's dark, and after the Scripture is read someone hits a metal piece that sounds like the nails being struck as they are driven into Jesus' hands and feet. Very moving time.

Saturday morning - we got up and got dressed and headed over to church for the Easter Egg hunt. Leah did fairly well, but wanted to socialize more than hunt eggs. I can't imagine where she gets that from. She won 2 prize eggs and shared one with a younger friend. She got a lamb that plays "Jesus Loves Me." I love it myself. That afternoon, we started cooking. I sliced the ham (more on that later) and sprinkled brown sugar on it and let it sit. We made a new recipe with the potatoes instead of having mashed potatoes as usual. I used rosemary, chili powder, paprika, salt, pepper, onion powder, oregano, and Italian seasoning. Basically I used whatever spice I could think of that I had LOL. I put some vegetable oil in the bowl and mixed it all around. John peeled the potatoes and I diced them up. Mixed them all together with the oil and such and baked them. Yum! They turned out better than I expected.

Saturday night, I "helped" the Easter Bunny put Leah's basket together. She got a bunny, 2 books "Jonah and the Whale" and "Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors", and a white chocolate Cross. Sunday morning, John had to be at the 8:00 a.m. service to sing (Good job honey!) and so he went alone. He came back and we were ready to go to Sunday School. My mom was off work so she got to go too. We went to SS then to church and had a great service. We are so blessed with the Pastors we have and the church family, too.

We had lunch with my mom, Hubs' mom, dad, and brother, and Ma. We had a good time and after we all ate and got really sleepy, his family left and the rest of us took a nap. Naps are good.

Now, more on the ham. I am a HUGE fan of Smithfield hams. No, not just because Paula Deen is the celebrity endorsement for them (but that helps! LOL). They just have a better flavor than any of the others that I have had. Best part - they are pretty inexpensive. A 10 lb ham was $15. Spiral sliced, bone in....yum!

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter. I'm going to try to add pictures to the next blog post. We'll see how that goes.

Sunny Day....Sweeping the cares away

I love sunshine (and Sesame Street, too!). It seriously improves my mood. Makes me want to be all bright and cheerful. Cloudy days bring out the blahs. I love springtime, too (allergies not included in that by the way). I love how all the dead is made new.

Today, Baby Bug is 17 months old. Where has the time gone? It's hard to believe at this time 2 years ago we were just getting used to the thought of being parents after almost 9 years of waiting. Last year, we had a 5 month old and were getting ready to celebrate her first Easter. This year, she's walking, talking, trying to run, feeding herself, wanting to potty, and just growing up way too fast! She has a bit of a stubborn streak - I cannot figure out WHERE that comes from ;0) - and is becoming more independant every day. The Easter egg hunt at church is Saturday and I'm beyond excited. I can't wait to see how she reacts to all those eggs (wonder if we should practice any? hmmm.....). I'm not too worried LOL. More importantly, I'm hoping that we can share the real meaning of Easter with her. Even at such a young age, we want her to know who Jesus is. I think she has a good idea already. We have a few pictures in our dining room and a magnet on the fridge that have Jesus on them. She calls them all the same thing (which we can't exactly decipher but we're working on it) so I know she knows they are the same person.

We just started Sunday school again. We got out of the habit a while before and after Leah was born. We changed classes, too. You need to be able to feel comfortable where you are. So, we made the SS class change. We're hoping to get back into the swing of things with church especially since Leah is older. She had a good time at church Sunday and I did, too. It had been about 2 weeks since I've been. I went on Sunday...had my gallbladder out on Friday...didn't go the 2 following Sundays. It felt good to be back.

Quirky Little Me...

I was reading Beth Moore's blog and she had a fun post about 10 quirky things about her. So, here are my 10 quirky things.

1. I absolutely can not stand the thought of someone being upset with me. I may not have done anything, but if I have an inkling that something is off it bothers me to the very core.

2. I have an ink pen addiction. It used to be Bridal Magazines. Seriously. I was like 12 and had a stack of magazines in the bottom of my closet. I planned my wedding 1,000,000 times over before I ever met John. My actual wedding was no where near as extravagant as my dream weddings were but it was awesome in the same right.

3. I have an uncanny knack of remembering names and if I can't remember one - I think about it until I do....most of the time I will come up with it.

4. I wonder sometimes if I'm a bit OCD about some things. Especially at work.

5. I don't throw away pictures. Yes, I still have pictures of ex-boyfriends and people that I'm not really friends with anymore. I just cannot throw it away. Strange I know.

6. Even though I am domestically challenged, I will get a cleaning buzz every once in a while. Then, look out!

7. I like the smell of Windex and Clorox wipes.

8. The shirts in my closet are mainly blue and pink (or some shade there-in). Sad. lol

9. I love making new friends. LOVE IT! The thing is (and I'm like my mom in this regard) if I meet you and don't like you for whatever reason, chances are that's not going to change. Sometimes it does....but not usually.

10. I don't like medicine....I will take it if I have to. I'm the type that will let a headache wear off instead of taking something for it. Strange I know.

I have a bunch more little crazy quirks that make me "me" but I'll save those for another day.

Afraid to Dream....

I was watching "The Biggest Loser" last week and O'Neal said something about being afraid to dream. I've been thinking about that statement ever since then. I am afraid to dream. I am afraid of getting my hopes up and dreaming about what "could be". Now, my dream sequence heads down the road of being smaller....thinner...healthier.

It's possible - somewhere down the road. Between 2004 & 2005, I lost nearly 75 lbs. with Weight Watchers. I felt better about myself and was actually proud of what I had accomplished. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I got pregnant in September of 2005. I miscarried. After that happened I ate everything that was put in front of me. I didn't care. I wanted to fill that void with something. Needless to say, the food didn't help heal me. I gained everything back plus a few.

I've tried since then to lose. I did lose a few before I got pregnant with Leah. I only gained 12 lbs with her. I had an absolutely wonderful pregnancy with her. No gestational diabetes, no pre-eclampsia or pregnancy induced hypertension. I lost about 30 lbs during her first month. I soon returned to my junk eating and there came the weight. Ugh.

So, here we are again. Thinking I am going to do something about this weight. Well, I have another incentive. I don't have a gallbladder anymore. It came out on Friday. Hopefully, this will help kickstart my healthier eating and more active lifestyle (if the weather could cooperate for walks). I'm ready. I want to be hot. I don't have to be any particular size, I just want to feel comfortable in whatever size that may be. -- BUT IT's NOT THIS SIZE!--

I wonder....

If I ever cross your mind....It's a quarter after one...


I'm not going to break into Lady Antebellum here. I'll save my screechi...er...singing :D for myself. I haven't told you about my musical tastes have I? Sit back - grab a drink - and read. I love music. I'm not musically inclined in any sense of the word, but music is a HUGE part of who I am. Lady Gaga, Bee Gees, Cher, Theory of a Deadman, Tonic, 3EB, Lady A, Josh Turner, Kid Rock, Saliva, Mercy Me, Casting Crowns, Metallica, Timbaland, Rob Thomas, Journey, Foreigner... That just barely scratches the surface of my listening habits. I can listen to just about anything. Oh! I like my music loud, too. Especially, if it's fast, has a good beat, etc. You hear that strange noise coming from behind you - yep, it's probably me. I don't do it when Leah's in the car though. She loves music, too. She gets it from her Moma!

My mind is going in so many different directions. I'm trying to figure out if and when I want to make a job change. The thought scares me senseless. I have been extremely spoiled in my current job. If I need time off, need to leave early, etc. it's not been a problem. I just know that I'm not going to have those same liberties when I go to work somewhere else. I know that part of me just needs to jump in with both feet and go for it. Time will tell I suppose.

I'm so tired of the news. It reminds me of that song from the 80s by Anne....something or other called "Good News". Couldn't we all use a little good news today? Everything on the news is so depressing. Politics, earthquakes, finances, YUCK! Throw in something good - i.e. how the local Boy Scout troop collected xxxx number of cans for the food pantry. Something. I guess that's why I keep the tv on something else besides 2,3,4, or 5 at 10 p.m. Life can make you crazy and depressed enough without the media telling you something else to make it worse.

Amish people. Hmm. You know their life doesn't sound half bad some days. Yes, I'm a little attached to my cell phone, my laptop, tv, blue jeans lol, so I don't know how long I would last. But to really be able to appreciate things again for what they are....that would be nice. You know how when you're a kid and you learn/discover something new and it's the greatest thing out there. We don't really get to experience that kind of joy as an adult. I think we've taken alot of things for granted. I guess that's where my girl comes in again. I get to experience things again through her eyes and watch her discover things. I have to say being a mom rocks.

Leftovers...

No, this isn't about our supper tonight. It's about the leftover thoughts I've had from the past few days.

February was a complete blur. Ma broke her hip February 4th. From then on my days consisted of: waking up, getting a shower, getting Leah up, feeding Leah, off to the sitter's, to work, off to pick up Leah, home for a few minutes, off to the hospital (and after Feb. 8th) to Manchester to see Ma, home, supper, laundry, pick up toys...whew. I think I'm still in recovery mode from that. On a side note- I busted my tail on some ice coming out of MHCC (rehab for Ma) the 2nd day she was there. It's been 3 weeks and it still hurts. Maybe this would be a good excuse for a massage...hmm....

I was watching High School Reunion in between loading/unloading the washer and dryer on Saturday. I wouldn't say it's all that interesting but it can be humorous at times. One of the commercials was for "First Love, Second Chance"....wow. That's an interesting concept for a tv show. I am good friends with my first love. Not everyone can say that and even more people don't want that at all. He was my first love...there's always gonna be a spot in my heart for him. Just being honest.

My girl is so funny. She's 16 months old now. Her newest discovery is the potty...her newest phrase? "I gahha pee" (I gotta pee). We bought her a potty chair. :( She hasn't used it yet, but I know it's coming. She knows what happens when you go to the bathroom. I'm so not ready for this yet. She's my baby ...possibly my only child...*sigh* I know she has to grow up. I just wish she would slow down growing up just a little bit. Time is passing way too quickly.

One last thing......................."milka-what?"

Domestically Challenged Hot Mess

That's me in a nutshell. I am domestically challenged. I admit it. I don't like to clean but I will. The bedroom is....hmmm...organized clutter. I don't mind doing laundry...I just hate to have to fold it and put it up. There are 100 other things that I would rather be doing than cleaning. I'm not a good cook either. I can cook....just not very good mind you. Our menu pretty much stays the same. Mainly it's because I don't like to clean up. We don't have a dishwasher so you know what that means - yep, handwashing city. *sigh* Maybe one day....

I'm on a self-discovery mission. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. My mom wants me to take an EMT course with her in the fall. I just don't see me doing EMT stuff. I'm considering nursing school in the spring or fall of 2011. I can be an LPN in 16 months. I don't think I'd want to stop there though. I really think I would want to get an RN. Hubs asked me earlier if I thought I could give IV's and draw blood. I think I could.

Let's see what else.....Oh! My blog address twisted tennessee girl. Well, I'm not conventional in my way of thinking sometimes. I am a little twisted. Plus, there was this button that I saw that said "I'm not evil...I'm good with a twist". I think that kinda describes me. Plus, I'm from Tennessee. Go Vols! Oh, by the way, I will root for Alabama, too. Roll Tide! I look better in crimson than I do orange. Just sayin'.

Craptastic

I don't even know where I first heard that word...maybe I made it up. I really couldn't tell you. Oh well. That just kinda describes Sunday. I totally forgot about working childcare Sunday morning. Just totally flaked on that one. Then, two men that I used to go to church with as a kid died yesterday....one hit me worse than the other because I grew up next door to him and his wife. I have lots of childhood memories....and most include them. His wife passed away a few years ago. It's inevitable I know. Two things are for sure death and taxes. It still sucks though.

RIP Jim & Lillard :o(

I love (ugh...hubs just hit me in the arm for the 3rd time - he's asleep - doesn't even realize he did it but it totally throws my thought train off track....I wonder if I punch him in the nose and pretend to be asleep if it will work....ok...back on track now) where was I? Oh yeah. I love facebook....it has reconnected me with people that I never thought I would talk to again. I mean these are the never in a million, don't know where they live, don't know if they remember me people. Anyway, they are all faces from the past. Isn't it strange that someone you haven't talked to in say 10 years, 20 years, etc. and you can talk to and it's like no time has passed at all? I LOVE THAT! I mean situations are different now than they were then, but it's nice to know that you do have people you can share that with.

I have a terrible habit of connecting songs to people.

• For example: Richard Marx's "Hold on to the Nights" Memories from a Middle School Dance - you know who you are so there's no need to name you here.
• Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting" & Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" & "Without You" - First boyfriend...long distance deal.
• Journey's "Open Arms" - I listened to it every time I talked to ___ on the phone.

Richard Marx was the bomb when I was growing up. That hair...that voice...*sigh* Don't laugh - you know you thought it too. Do any of you do that or am I just crazy? Wait. Don't answer the last part of that question.

I was sitting here earlier thinking about changes I want to make to me. You know, you can kinda feel craptastic after thinking about it. Then what to my sleepy eyes do appear? A tv program about how they choose the cover for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Are you KIDDING me? Ugh - that's all I need. I rectified that situation really quick and turned it to Food Network. Shut up.