That's a song by Chris Cagle. I LOVE IT! I bet I've watched it on youtube about 100 times. It is actually playing in the background as I type. Ahhh.....
My grandmother is in a nursing home. She's been there 2 weeks tomorrow. I believe this is one of the hardest things to do. It's necessary though. I know that. She has dementia. She was diagnosed in late January. She's always been fiesty and had a temper, but it had just gotten worse. The director of a geriatric psych facility that we went to talk to in Dec or Jan told us that dementia brings out the negative aspects of a person's personality. He wasn't kidding. It is/was very difficult to listen to things coming out of her mouth that were so untrue, but in her reality was truth. It's very hard to look at a person you have loved and trusted your entire life and just feel cut in half by things that are said. She spent 3 weeks at the hospital before we had her moved to MHCC. During the first week she was at the hospital, it became painfully obvious what we needed to do. And we did it. I don't feel as much guilt as I did before, but there is still some there.
July 18th my grandpa (who I called daddy because he was the only dad I ever knew) passed away 16 years ago. Last weekend, she asked me if I had been to his grave. Now, I haven't been over there in a long while. I can't go. I can go to any other cemetary and it doesn't bother me too much. I drive by this one and it cuts me to the core. I know he's not there, but still....it's what you do. You visit the cemetary once in a while. Maybe one day I will go again.
Leah is awesome...she is starting to talk in sentences...and we can understand her. I never knew how much I could love someone until I had her. I mean, I love John, but this is different.
I guess I'm done for the night...I have tons of other stuff going through my head but that's for another time. Besides, it's really just rehashing stuff I've posted in my blogs before.
QOTD: Why can't we just let things go? Why do we hang on to stuff from the past so much?
