Friday, July 23, 2010

I breathe in...

I breathe out...put one foot in front of the other...

That's a song by Chris Cagle.  I LOVE IT!  I bet I've watched it on youtube about 100 times.  It is actually playing in the background as I type.  Ahhh.....

My grandmother is in a nursing home.  She's been there 2 weeks tomorrow.  I believe this is one of the hardest things to do.  It's necessary though. I know that.  She has dementia.  She was diagnosed in late January.  She's always been fiesty and had a temper, but it had just gotten worse.  The director of a geriatric psych facility that we went to talk to in Dec or Jan told us that dementia brings out the negative aspects of a person's personality. He wasn't kidding.  It is/was very difficult to listen to things coming out of her mouth that were so untrue, but in her reality was truth.  It's very hard to look at a person you have loved and trusted your entire life and just feel cut in half by things that are said.  She spent 3 weeks at the hospital before we had her moved to MHCC.  During the first week she was at the hospital, it became painfully obvious what we needed to do. And we did it.  I don't feel as much guilt as I did before, but there is still some there. 

July 18th my grandpa (who I called daddy because he was the only dad I ever knew) passed away 16 years ago.  Last weekend, she asked me if I had been to his grave.  Now, I haven't been over there in a long while.  I can't go.  I can go to any other cemetary and it doesn't bother me too much.  I drive by this one and it cuts me to the core.  I know he's not there, but's what you do.  You visit the cemetary once in a while.  Maybe one day I will go again.

Leah is awesome...she is starting to talk in sentences...and we can understand her.  I never knew how much I could love someone until I had her.  I mean, I love John, but this is different. 

I guess I'm done for the night...I have tons of other stuff going through my head but that's for another time. Besides, it's really just rehashing stuff I've posted in my blogs before.

QOTD: Why can't we just let things go? Why do we hang on to stuff from the past so much?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Late night ramblings....

I am following the lead from another blog and just writing random notes here....just thoughts in my head.

Dear you..
I am wondering why I commented on a status today and then the status was gone.  You had posted a video and the song has stuck with me all day. Just wondering about that whole thing....I shouldn't even wonder. But I do. So there.
- Shel
To you people -
Do you not realize we all get dressed the same way in the morning?  You aren't any better than anyone else.  You need to get over yourself.
Dear Jennifer-
I miss you! I wish you lived closer.  Why can't you at least move to the Boro? Or Huntsville? Please?
Dear John (that didn't sound good did it),
You are snoring beside me and I love you dearly.....but if you keep me awake I will pluck out your mustache with tweezers. Love you!
Dear 1980s music writers/artists,
You have no idea the impact that the music still has on me 20 years later. They sure don't make music like they used to. There is no way to compare the ballads/love songs of today from the ones in the 80s/early 90s. NO. COMPARISON. WHATSOEVER. 
A faithful listener

PS I probably will be the lady in the rocker on her porch in her 70s blasting 80s music. Just sayin'.
Dear Sleep,
I guess it is time that I try to meet you now being that it is 12:03 am on Thursday, July 8th. 
And to that I bid adieu

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Day of Blogging Silence for Baby Cohen