3 years ago....

Thursday, October 30, 2008

4:45 p.m.

Baptist Hospital, Nashville, TN

~taken within the first few minutes after her birth~

Our precious baby girl, Leah Abigail, was born. 

She was the spitting image of her Daddy.

She now looks more like me.

Our lives were forever changed from the moment we knew she was on the way.

She is so very smart and amazes me at how much she knows and how much she understands.  I never in a million years thought that I could love one little person so very much.   It's a very true statement that once you become a parent your heart walks outside of your body.  I had no idea.   Leah is in her 2nd year of preschool and she is the oldest.  We're struggling with potty training, but we will get there.  At a dr's appointment a few weeks ago, she was 40 1/2 inches tall and 41 lbs.  She is in a 4T or 5T size clothing.  She loves music (Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen is a favorite of hers...she calls it the "take me home song"). 

 She loves Barney, Princesses, Dora, playing Dr., and animals. 

She tells me and her Daddy often "You are the best mommy ever" or "you are the best daddy ever". 

It's great to hear especially when you feel like you suck at parenting. 

My Bug,

Mommy & Daddy love you so very much.  You are the apple of our eye and it's so

hard to remember life before you.  I cannot believe that 3 years have passed already.  October 30, 2008 was the best day of my life and I love you with my whole heart.  You are so smart and you amaze me everyday.  I am so proud to be your Mommy!!!! I love you! Happy 3rd Birthday!

Love, Mommy

Haven't done one of these in a while....

A: Age: 29....give or take ;)
B :Bed Size: Queen
C: Chore that you hate:  Putting away laundry, washing dishes, and cleaning the bathroom
D: Dogs: Technically, our dog is my mom's.  Her name is Saylor, and I believe she's a beagle mix.
E: Essential item to start your day: Sun Drop
F: Favorite Color:  I like all colors....if you look at my closet the main colors are black, blue, and pink.
G: Gold or Silver:  Depends on the piece
H: Height: 5'9"
I: Instruments you play: None...I am not musically inclined at all
J: Job Title:  Mommy, Wife, Accounts Payable & Receivable clerk (home- LOL), Admin. Assistant
K: Kids: Emily Catherine (miscarriage @ 6 wks 10-17-05) & Leah Abigail (10-30-08)
L: Live: Tennessee
M: Mother's Name: Pam
N: Nicknames: Shel, Bella
O: Overnight hospital stays: Leah's birth was (knock wood) the only one
P: Pet Peeves: One letter text answers!!! "K"
Q: Quote from a movie: I didn't think you'd be opposed to a little grand theft auto.
R: Righty or Lefty: Righty
S: Siblings: Brother Casey & Sister Cristy
T: Truth or Dare: Depends on who's playing
U: Ultimate Vacation: Israel, Ireland, England, Italy, France
V: Vegetable you hate: Hominy
W: What makes you run late: not wanting to get out of bed
X: X-rays you've had: ankle
Y: Yummy food you make:  Caramel pie
Z: Zoo Animal: Zebra or Giraffe

Late night madness

I'm so awake.  It's almost midnight and I'm sitting here watching Storage Wars.  My mind is going in a million different directions.  We are within 30 days of having Ma's estate closed.  It's so bittersweet.  I've said all along I just want this finished, but you know, having it being close to closing is tough.  You know, I cried in the parking lot of the bank after I closed her checking account.  That checking account had been opened longer than I have been alive.  
We no longer have her phone number...actually, got rid of it last fall, but I haven't had the heart to dial it to see if someone answers.  I'm scared to.  Yes, I realize it's just a number. It's not a big deal to most people, but when you've associated that number with someone for your whole life, it's not that easy to let go.
I have a hard time letting go of things.  People, pictures, lots of things.  Not a lot of people understand that.  I'm thankful for the ones that do understand that...makes me not feel so crazy. 

Friday Randomness

Since I am a random kind of girl - here's 10 things in the randomness that is me!

1.  I will drive down the road listening to Def Leppard. Yes, it is the Vault album.  Yes, it is louder than it should be sometimes.
2.  I recently realized that several of the guys I dated/had crushes on now drive Dodge Ram trucks.  Only 1 drove a Dodge truck while we dated.  Very strange.
3.  If I'm watching TV, 95% of the time it is on Food Network.
4.  I hate seafood. I mean H-A-T-E seafood.  It always makes me think of high school biology.  Blech!
5.  I'm not really sure I have a favorite food anymore.  I 'like' stuff but nothing really stands out as my favorite.
6.  I'm a night owl....and NOT a morning person!
7.  I am usually late anywhere I go.
8.  I really think I want Waffle House for breakfast tomorrow.  I know that I will have to work my booty off tomorrow if we do go LOL
9.  I watch the majority of my shows on Hulu....
10.  You can do it! is my new mantra.

So there are 10 random little things about me...they are kinda boring but oh well :) Share your own! I'd love to read them! Happy Weekend!
~Shel

Lost my train of tho...Ooohh!! A kitty!

I got so excited about posting about Zumba (FUN FUN FUN!!!) that I forgot to tell y'all about my weigh-in yesterday....Yesterday's 1.2 for a total of 12 lbs in 36 days.  I am excited. I'm excited that I've actually stuck with something longer than a day.
Now, back to Zumba because there is much more to share than what I did.  There were maybe 15 people there.  I'm not really sure.  I kinda focused on not tripping over my own feet.  A lot of the moves that we did I have had experience with because I've taken a few aerobic classes.  It's pretty easy, and there isn't any pressure to get all the steps.  You do what you can.  If you can't keep up - big deal - just keep moving.  I totally recommend it.  It's so fun and a great workout.  If you wanna come - just leave me a comment and I'll tell you where I Zumba!
~Shelly

Zumba Take 1

Tonight I stepped out and went to a Zumba class.  I had originally planned to go last Thursday to another one, but I chickened out.  Did you hear the clucking on Thursday? Yes, that was me.  I beat myself up pretty bad for not doing it.  I was bummed out because once again I let insecurity and fear of laughter talk me out of something I really wanted to do.   A post on Facebook got my spirits back up.  I have great friends (but that's another post altogether). Tonight I went though...and it was fun.  Now, I have to admit I spent the first 10 minutes or so watching the instructor and laughing at myself.  If you've never watched/participated in a Zumba workout session -- Go to youtube.  There are ways that this body of mine doesn't move (well, it may move just not well).  The only thing that kinda bugged me was that I was in the front. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR - THE FRONT? Yes, I was in the front. 
I am not a front row person.  Especially during something like this...just stick me in the back and I will be fine.  Anyway, back to my story.  There was a girl 2 rows behind me and she had her cell phone in her hand.  Now, she was probably texting or checking her fb or whatever - but immediately I thought "Oh my stars - she's taking a picture of my big ole butt and is sending it out to the world." So, I almost told her where to stick her phone.  Then I started thinking - you know what - if she wants to get a kick out of me doing Zumba then I hope she got a good shot.  Heifer. 
Anyway - I had a good time. I did sweat.  I did laugh. I do believe I will go back again on Thursday.  Besides, gotta learn these moves....Dancing with the Stars may want me one day ;0)
~Shel

Let's talk about s....

Just kidding!

Random fact of the day:  I often wake up with a song in my head.  Sometimes it has something to do with what I was dreaming, but sometimes it is totally random.

I need new ideas for food.  I'm tired of chicken, chicken, let's see...chicken.  Oh -- did I mention chicken?  I had a great Healthy Choice Whiskey Steak meal earlier.  It was seriously good.  The thing that bothers me is that 1) those frozen meals are loaded with preservatives and 2) sodium!  I used to eat Lean Cuisine's all the time (and I still like them) but I don't want that everyday.  During the summertime I am salad crazy....but again...there are only so many salads someone can eat.
So- share with me your favorite recipe. :)
Happy Eating!
~Shel

Hello.....Summer?

Crazy!  These temperatures are absurd.  Low 90s for most of the week and then it doesn't get lower that 70* at night.  It's gonna be a hot one.  I was hoping for a small spring, but looks like our Spring was rain showers and tornado watches/warnings.

I did an early weigh-in because tonight is our church's picnic and I didn't want to stress over eating.  Now, I'm not going to go out and go hog wild (simply because I've been doing this for almost a month and binging is not part of my vocabulary any more).  I'm going to make smaller portion choices and I'm going to enjoy myself.  Plus, there are trails around the lake, and I plan on taking advantage of those and go on a good walk.  Why not exercise and enjoy myself right? :) 

Oh yeah-- back to the weigh-in:  I lost 1.6 lbs.  I have lost 11 lbs total.  I am pretty doggone proud of myself.

I need to get busy getting stuff together!
~Shel

Just a .8!

I have a new follower (Hi!!!).  I'm excited!  I love my little blog and I'm going to try to visit it more often.

This past Monday (5/30) I did my typical Monday morning weigh-in (I need a clever name for that) and I lost .8 lbs.  I struggled with that .8? That's IT?!?!  Ok...breathe, breathe....it's a loss.   That's 9.4 lbs in 3 weeks.  I'm not starving...I'm eating healthier choices.  BUT it's JUST a .8!!!!  I don't know if you've picked up on this yet (ha!) but .8 just wasn't cutting for me.  Soooo the negative self-talk started. "See, I knew you couldn't stick with it"...."See, this is going to take forever"....you get the picture.  For some reason though - this time I'm not giving up.  The negative self-talk (please tell me I'm not the only person who has this) pops into my head occasionally but for the most part I've smacked it down.  I'm not listening this time.  This time there is someone else involved.  This time there is a little person that needs me.  I'm not saying that Hubs doesn't need me, BUT he's grown and he can take care of himself.  That little 2 1/2 year old blonde hair, blue eyed blessing needs her mommy.  She needs a healthy mommy.  She needs a mommy that can run, play games, and interact; NOT a mommy that sits on the sidelines.  I know I said that before in my post, but I mean it.  And the more times I say it - the more it's going to motivate me to do something.

I also have another little game plan going.  You ready for this? Are you sure?
I am going to complete 20 miles in the month of June.  Ok...wait...don't faint...it's ok...deep breaths. There that's better.  Yep, in the month of June, I am going to (walk, jog, etc.) 20 miles.  More if I can.  We shall see.

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend...and leave me comments....I'm a comment junkie LOL
~Shel

Friend Makin' Monday

FMM: ABC's of Me

A) Apples.  I love apples.  I'm not a big fan of applesauce though...I think it's the texture.

B) Best Friends.  I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for.  They are my sounding board, my support system, and just there when I need them....they know who they are :)

C) Chocolate.  I'm not wanting it nearly as much as I used to.  That's a plus. 

D) Dance.  I may look goofy as all get out but I love to dance around the house.  My favorite dance partner is my 2 1/2 year old daughter.

E) Exercise.  I like to do it.  I procrastinate like crazy but I always feel better if I do it.

F) Football.  I love football.  Honestly, I prefer NFL to College ball.
G) Glee. I LOVE GLEE. Yes, I am a Gleek.

H) Hot weather.  I am NOT a fan.  75 with a breeze and I'm good.
I) Ice cream.  Major weakness....especially Dairy Queen.

J) John.  My hubs.  We've been married almost 12 years.
K) Kickboxing.  I hope to do it one day.

L) Leah.  My 2 1/2 year old awesome little girl.  She is my motivation.
M) Music.  I love music...almost any kind...but especially the stuff with a good beat and love it loud! Except when my daughters in the car, then it usually becomes a Veggie Tales moment.

N) Nieces & Nephews. Love them :)
O) Orangutan.  I believe they are my favorite in the monkey family.  Does anyone remember Clyde?
P) Procrastination.  I am GREAT at procrastinating.
Q) Quote.  Just a random one "I knew you wouldn't be opposed to a little grand theft auto" Alice Cullen- Eclipse.
R) Rabbits. I always wanted a pet rabbit....never happened.
S) Shelly. That's ME ;0)

T) Twitter.  I use Twitter...you just never know what you are going to read on there. 
U) Umbrella.  I usually never have one with me when it's raining.  I just take my chances getting wet.
V) Vain.  I'm so not vain.  I mean I like to look nice, but I'm not going to be all "ooohh look at me" or look in a mirror every 5 minutes, or take 1,000,000 pictures of myself....I usually hate having my picture taked.
W) Water. I am terrified of deep (over 5 feet) water. I can't swim.
X) Xanadu.  Does anyone really remember this song?  It's the only X I could come up with without copy Kenz. LOL
Y) Yellow.  I am not crazy about the color yellow.  It's ok...but not my favorite.
Z) Zach Morris.  Yes, I think almost every girl had a crush on the Zach Morris.  Saved by the Bell? Oh COME ON...you have to remember Saved by the Bell.

And that is just a glimpse into the ABCs of me.

Here we go again...

I guess that is an appropriate title.  As of last Monday (May 9th)...I am trying to lose weight again.  My first weigh-in May 16th - I had lost 7 lbs.  I am excited that I lost those 7, but I know this is just the beginning.  That's ok though.  I didn't gain all this overnight....it's not going to go away overnight either.  My first mini-goal is 50 lbs by my birthday.  That's roughly 11 weeks.  It's not impossible.  If I don't get it exactly, I'm still not going to give up.

Another thing is on August 6th (my 35th birthday) - there is a 5K in Smyrna.  I kinda think I want to do it.  What better birthday present to myself than to run/walk a 5K?  

Why am I doing this you may ask? Well, it's not only to look better in clothes or feel better about myself.  Yes, I do want to look better and I do want to feel better about myself, BUT the main reason I'm doing this?  My 2 1/2 year old daughter.  She deserves to have a mommy that can run with her, play with her, and not get tired soon after starting.  She deserves to have a healthy mommy. 

See, I've always been the fat kid.  I got teased a lot in school, didn't go on many dates.  Face it: the guys that bigger girls like don't like bigger girls.  They want the trophy girlfriends.  Now, don't get me wrong, I did meet some guys that accepted me as I was....and for that I was thankful.  I met John and he liked me the way I was. He likes me the way I am, but I don't like me.  Does that make any sense at all?  There are parts of me that I like...but the bad outweighs the good.  So, here I am again.  I'm on week 2 of however many weeks it will take to get me to a place where I am content.  I know I have a journey ahead of me.  All I have to do is look at my daughter, and I have the motivation that I need.  Good friends are helping, too.  I'm very blessed.

So much to say...

I've got TONS of stuff on my mind tonight.  Guess it's as good a time as any to blog ;)

Mother's Day:   I am very thankful for my daughter, my mother, and my mother-in-law, but this year is different because Ma won't be here with us.  Honestly, I kinda wish we could just skip it this year.  My heart's just not in it.  On a similar note -  I have Leah and I am extremely thankful, but my heart aches for those angel mommies, those waiting on adoptions to go through, or those just waiting on God's timing to make them mothers.  I have been on the waiting end of it...it SUCKS.  Just know that you are not alone and I wish I could hug each of you.  I know there's a plan out there for each of you, just no one knows what it is. 

Career stuff:  You know...I am...um....er....29ish (ha!) and I have no idea what I want to do career wise.  I love my job now.  I've been at the same job for 12 1/2 years.  My boss is WONDERFUL, but I know that one day there will come a day where I will have to find another job.  I've thought about a few different things: being an appraiser (I have had my trainee's license since 2007 and it was going pretty well until the economy flopped so I let it lapse this last go round....I just don't have the oomph for it anymore), Nursing (it takes a VERY special person to be a nurse and I am just not that person),  having my own business (umm...startup capital anyone?), HR (you usually have to have a Bachelor's which I don't have), etc.  The list kinda goes on but nothing screams at me YES!! THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO DO!  I'm so frustrated and I know that things will come around, but as a paycheck-to-paycheck family - I have to have some form of income.  Bottom line.

Me:  I don't even know where to begin with this one.  I am so blah about everything (except Leah).  Nothing excites me...nothing really wow's me.  I was talking to my bestie's the other day and told them both - I have no passion for anything.  I just go through the motions (Matthew West's song just popped in my head) of day-to-day stuff.  I'm sick of my weight but don't have the motiviation to do something about it.  I'm sick of looking frumpy but don't get up 10 minutes earlier to do my hair/makeup.  You know, I guess I just kinda think "what's the point".  That's an awful way to look at things, but this is my blog and I'm trying to be honest.  I'm reading all these other weight loss blogs where these ladies have lost a significant amount of weight. They talk about how good they feel, how their clothes fit, and just how everything is changing for them.  I read them and I'm amazed.  I'm so jealous (Yes, Jealous) of how well they've done...the clothes they are in, etc....but yet I don't do anything about it.  I'm hoping that changes.  I pray that changes.

Misc:  You know, there are sometimes that you just don't know quite what to say because you don't want to sound psycho.  I have a horrible tendency to care about whoever.  Seriously, if you were a part of my life for any amount of time...well, I still care.  No, I'm not gonna go all psycho on you or anything, but know for the most part you have at least one person rooting for you.

I guess that's it, unless I decide to lay somemore out there.
~Shelly

How's It Gonna Be?

-- I wrote this March 8, 2011....it showed up as January 26th so I had to edit it--

How is it that stuff that shouldn't bother you does?  Did that even makes sense?  Oh well - my blog - my thoughts -- get over it.  I guess I'm not the only one that feels this way. One of my bestie's & I have discussed the situations that bug us and thankfully, she feels the same way I do.  Things happen. People move on. You move on. The memories still remain.  The happiness of what was there kinda hangs on like a cobweb.  The what-if's haunt. People may fault me for my feelings or opinions.  You know what? I'm human.  I'm entitled to feelings. I'm entitled to my opinions.  You don't like them? So? I don't like your shirt.  Deal with it. ;) (that was supposed to be sarcastic humor).


On a different note: I'm ready for sunshine.  I'm ready for spring flowers.   I'm ready to be happy.  A week ago today we laid my Ma to rest beside my Popa.  I didn't think I'd be able to breathe but I did.  Wednesday wasn't so hard.  It's like a piece of me is missing BUT I have peace.  It's not to say that there is going to be a day when I won't have a complete meltdown....but right now I am taking it day by day.  I can only handle one day at a time.

A new year...another new beginning....

Happy 2011 all you **fabulous** people!

So I guess this year will start with the same resolutions we make every year: eat better, exercise more, be in better financial shape...you know the same old, same old.

But instead of starting this year that way....Hubs and I decided to END 2010 that way.  We joined a gym on Thursday.  Hubs went that afternoon, and I went yesterday.  He's already been this morning, and I'm going to go in a little bit.  I really hope this is the year that things happen.  I seriously want to be a healthier me.  A better mom, a better wife...a better everything.  I think my weight holds me back on a lot of stuff.  Mainly, just feeling comfortable in a room.

I (please hold your laughter) really want to do a 5k.  Seriously. I don't care if I have to walk the thing I want to do it.  My ultimate goal?  A half marathon.  I think I can...better yet. I know I can. I just have to get there.