Monday, May 30, 2011

Friend Makin' Monday

FMM: ABC's of Me

A) Apples.  I love apples.  I'm not a big fan of applesauce though...I think it's the texture.

B) Best Friends.  I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for.  They are my sounding board, my support system, and just there when I need them....they know who they are :)

C) Chocolate.  I'm not wanting it nearly as much as I used to.  That's a plus. 

D) Dance.  I may look goofy as all get out but I love to dance around the house.  My favorite dance partner is my 2 1/2 year old daughter.

E) Exercise.  I like to do it.  I procrastinate like crazy but I always feel better if I do it.

F) Football.  I love football.  Honestly, I prefer NFL to College ball.
G) Glee. I LOVE GLEE. Yes, I am a Gleek.

H) Hot weather.  I am NOT a fan.  75 with a breeze and I'm good.
I) Ice cream.  Major weakness....especially Dairy Queen.

J) John.  My hubs.  We've been married almost 12 years.
K) Kickboxing.  I hope to do it one day.

L) Leah.  My 2 1/2 year old awesome little girl.  She is my motivation.
M) Music.  I love music...almost any kind...but especially the stuff with a good beat and love it loud! Except when my daughters in the car, then it usually becomes a Veggie Tales moment.

N) Nieces & Nephews. Love them :)
O) Orangutan.  I believe they are my favorite in the monkey family.  Does anyone remember Clyde?
P) Procrastination.  I am GREAT at procrastinating.
Q) Quote.  Just a random one "I knew you wouldn't be opposed to a little grand theft auto" Alice Cullen- Eclipse.
R) Rabbits. I always wanted a pet rabbit....never happened.
S) Shelly. That's ME ;0)

T) Twitter.  I use just never know what you are going to read on there. 
U) Umbrella.  I usually never have one with me when it's raining.  I just take my chances getting wet.
V) Vain.  I'm so not vain.  I mean I like to look nice, but I'm not going to be all "ooohh look at me" or look in a mirror every 5 minutes, or take 1,000,000 pictures of myself....I usually hate having my picture taked.
W) Water. I am terrified of deep (over 5 feet) water. I can't swim.
X) Xanadu.  Does anyone really remember this song?  It's the only X I could come up with without copy Kenz. LOL
Y) Yellow.  I am not crazy about the color yellow.  It's ok...but not my favorite.
Z) Zach Morris.  Yes, I think almost every girl had a crush on the Zach Morris.  Saved by the Bell? Oh COME have to remember Saved by the Bell.

And that is just a glimpse into the ABCs of me.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Here we go again...

I guess that is an appropriate title.  As of last Monday (May 9th)...I am trying to lose weight again.  My first weigh-in May 16th - I had lost 7 lbs.  I am excited that I lost those 7, but I know this is just the beginning.  That's ok though.  I didn't gain all this's not going to go away overnight either.  My first mini-goal is 50 lbs by my birthday.  That's roughly 11 weeks.  It's not impossible.  If I don't get it exactly, I'm still not going to give up.

Another thing is on August 6th (my 35th birthday) - there is a 5K in Smyrna.  I kinda think I want to do it.  What better birthday present to myself than to run/walk a 5K?  

Why am I doing this you may ask? Well, it's not only to look better in clothes or feel better about myself.  Yes, I do want to look better and I do want to feel better about myself, BUT the main reason I'm doing this?  My 2 1/2 year old daughter.  She deserves to have a mommy that can run with her, play with her, and not get tired soon after starting.  She deserves to have a healthy mommy. 

See, I've always been the fat kid.  I got teased a lot in school, didn't go on many dates.  Face it: the guys that bigger girls like don't like bigger girls.  They want the trophy girlfriends.  Now, don't get me wrong, I did meet some guys that accepted me as I was....and for that I was thankful.  I met John and he liked me the way I was. He likes me the way I am, but I don't like me.  Does that make any sense at all?  There are parts of me that I like...but the bad outweighs the good.  So, here I am again.  I'm on week 2 of however many weeks it will take to get me to a place where I am content.  I know I have a journey ahead of me.  All I have to do is look at my daughter, and I have the motivation that I need.  Good friends are helping, too.  I'm very blessed.

Friday, May 6, 2011

So much to say...

I've got TONS of stuff on my mind tonight.  Guess it's as good a time as any to blog ;)

Mother's Day:   I am very thankful for my daughter, my mother, and my mother-in-law, but this year is different because Ma won't be here with us.  Honestly, I kinda wish we could just skip it this year.  My heart's just not in it.  On a similar note -  I have Leah and I am extremely thankful, but my heart aches for those angel mommies, those waiting on adoptions to go through, or those just waiting on God's timing to make them mothers.  I have been on the waiting end of SUCKS.  Just know that you are not alone and I wish I could hug each of you.  I know there's a plan out there for each of you, just no one knows what it is. 

Career stuff:  You know...I (ha!) and I have no idea what I want to do career wise.  I love my job now.  I've been at the same job for 12 1/2 years.  My boss is WONDERFUL, but I know that one day there will come a day where I will have to find another job.  I've thought about a few different things: being an appraiser (I have had my trainee's license since 2007 and it was going pretty well until the economy flopped so I let it lapse this last go round....I just don't have the oomph for it anymore), Nursing (it takes a VERY special person to be a nurse and I am just not that person),  having my own business (umm...startup capital anyone?), HR (you usually have to have a Bachelor's which I don't have), etc.  The list kinda goes on but nothing screams at me YES!! THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO DO!  I'm so frustrated and I know that things will come around, but as a paycheck-to-paycheck family - I have to have some form of income.  Bottom line.

Me:  I don't even know where to begin with this one.  I am so blah about everything (except Leah).  Nothing excites me...nothing really wow's me.  I was talking to my bestie's the other day and told them both - I have no passion for anything.  I just go through the motions (Matthew West's song just popped in my head) of day-to-day stuff.  I'm sick of my weight but don't have the motiviation to do something about it.  I'm sick of looking frumpy but don't get up 10 minutes earlier to do my hair/makeup.  You know, I guess I just kinda think "what's the point".  That's an awful way to look at things, but this is my blog and I'm trying to be honest.  I'm reading all these other weight loss blogs where these ladies have lost a significant amount of weight. They talk about how good they feel, how their clothes fit, and just how everything is changing for them.  I read them and I'm amazed.  I'm so jealous (Yes, Jealous) of how well they've done...the clothes they are in, etc....but yet I don't do anything about it.  I'm hoping that changes.  I pray that changes.

Misc:  You know, there are sometimes that you just don't know quite what to say because you don't want to sound psycho.  I have a horrible tendency to care about whoever.  Seriously, if you were a part of my life for any amount of time...well, I still care.  No, I'm not gonna go all psycho on you or anything, but know for the most part you have at least one person rooting for you.

I guess that's it, unless I decide to lay somemore out there.