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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Really Random....

I'm not sure where I'm going with this or how it will turn out but here it is. My mind is going in 16,000,000 directions and I hate it. I am a planner. I'm not much for being spontaneous. Yeah being spontaneous is fun and fulfilling at times, but I usually like to have some sort of idea what's going on. I wish that my mind would shut off long enough for me to get some sleep, but I don't think tonight is the night.

Do you ever have something you want to tell someone but just because of situations you don't?

Anyhow -- carry on...

I'm reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity". Holy cow. I am seeing myself on every page. Wonderful read! Barnes and Noble was offering Angie Smith's "I Will Carry You" book as an ebook for free. I downloaded that puppy and have cried most of the way through it. I highly recommend both of them. (picking back up after I went to sleep finally at 2 a.m.). I got halfway through IWCY. I kinda knew what to expect because I read Angie's blog, but it was nothing in preparation for the words of Angie as she goes through the grief surrounding the death of her daughter (who, incidentally, was born 6 months and 23 days before Leah). I cannot even begin to imagine her pain - nor do I want to.

Mother's Day was not how I had planned. Bug had her 18 month appointment on Friday. She got 2 shots...one was the Hep A (I had forgotten about her getting it but anyhow) and the other was a booster for a strep/pneum (I think) shot series she got last year. Hello, shots....welcome fever. All. Weekend. Long. We had to go to a wedding and she was in a good mood, just had that stinkin fever going on. Midday Sunday she finally got better. We didn't go to church Sunday because even though I knew it was from the shots, I didn't want to take her back there with the other kids just in case.

I still have moments when I go "wow, I'm a mom". After 8+ years of waiting and praying and crying and screaming (at John, at God, at whoever) she is here. I love that little girl so much. I'm so proud that God chose me to become her mommy. She is a special girl.

I guess I'll sign off for now...I'm sure I'll have more to say later (still a little drowsy over here).