Puzzle pieces...

I'm a puzzle piece. I just don't fit in some places....and I struggle with that. I'm not always put together (no kidding, right?). I'm usually in jeans or capris and a tshirt. I have very few dressy type shirts/oufits in my closet. I shop in the plus dept. I don't wear a lot of jewelry or makeup. My hair is usually in a ponytail. I work. We, unfortunately, don't have the resources for me to be a stay at home mom. Do I think I'm missing out? Yes! Do I struggle with it? You better believe it. Not as much as I did when Leah was first born, but I still do.

I just don't think I fit in with most other women. I have very few close girlfriends. I try not to alienate myself from things. Honestly, I don't do a lot of things because we simply don't have the extra money to do it. No, I'm not wanting sympathy. I don't want people to think "awww poor things" or any stuff like that. I'm just sayin.

John and I don't have our own home. We lived in an apartment when we first got married, then talked to my grandmother about us living with her while we paid some stuff off and then bought a house. Well, 8 years, 2 cars that needed replacing, a job change, a baby, a cancer diagnosis (and current remission for John), and we're still here. Now, with her having dementia and me wanting more than anything to leave- it's not possible. Guilt about leaving - yes. Money issues? Yes, we have debt. Yes, John listens to Dave Ramsey. No, it's not going away anytime soon.

I struggle so much with just wanting to be content. I know I'm extremely blessed to have John and Leah. I know that God has a plan...I know there's a lesson in everything. I know I should be patient. But it's hard. I don't want a big house. I don't want new cars (especially since mine is paid for and Hubs will be in a few months). I want a home for our daughter. I want a friendly, inviting place that people are welcome to drop by whenever. A place where I can fix meals and have little parties and such (finances allowing that is).

I'm really not trying to have a pity party post...I'm just trying to get some stuff out of my head. Maybe by typing this all out it will help me sort it out - who knows. If you made it this far - you're amazing :)

RAKs....

Linking up over at Kelly's Korner today for "Show Us Your Life" Friday...Today's topic is: Random Acts of Kindness. Yes, I'm aware today is Saturday. I couldn't keep the internet connection last night...It would stay on for about 5 minutes then I would lose the connection to the router. Ugh.

Ok...back to the topic at hand. Random Acts of Kindness. These are things that I have done or want to do....I love this kind of stuff :)

1. Sending little notes/cards of encouragement. I love doing this. I love getting mail besides bills. I have a whole box of cards to choose from and I'm constantly looking for new ones. I may or may not sign my name to them.

2. Paying for the person behind you in the drive thru. I haven't actually done this yet, but I may do it one day this week. Kind of one of those hidden blessings ya know?

3. Make a meal (or part of one) for someone that's sick, has a new baby, or just because.

4. Be nice to the checkout clerks. I've been on that side of the register and it made things better if the customer was friendly. You may be having an awful day, but don't take it out on the cashier. They've probably seen 100 of people just like you - be that 1 person that makes a difference :)

Those are the ones off the top of my head.

Show Us Your Life...

Kelly's Korner has "Show Us Your Life" every Friday. Today is my first day to participate :) Today's Topic: Things that you love/enjoy :)

My husband and daughter -- John and I have been married almost 11 (eek!) years...Leah is our little miracle. She is almost 19 months old. This picture was Easter Sunday.

The rest of our family, too: Pam, Alla Mae, Casey, Cristy, Ja'Von, Taishun, Dot, John, William, Kevin, Venus, Vanity, Logan, Cadie, Tyler, Brandi, Matt, AJ & Shelby, John, Barbara, Carl, Jeremy, Rebecca, Lance, Seth, & Rayne....plus all the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc :)

My Church & Church Family!

Music!

My friends that love me no matter what!

Blogs! I have a few that I love to keep up with. I'm always adding new ones it seems.

Nicholas Sparks books....he just has a gift.

Laughing

Girl's Nights

I guess that wraps up my SUYL Friday post :)

Becoming Domesticated....

Stop Laughing.....I can still hear you!

Seriously. I am going to try to become more domesticated. I'm actually going to try and put the clothes up after I fold them instead of leaving them in the laundry basket (I know I can't be the only one that does that...). I want to prepare meals for my family instead of figuring out who's getting our money tonight - McDs? Taco Bell? KFC? Hmm??

What is tonight's meal you may ask? I'm so glad you did!
Poppy Seed Chicken
Green Bean Bundles
A Vegetable yet to be decided
and
Coconut Cake (complete with Coco Lopez)

Ok. If you haven't heard of Coco Lopez - it's cream of coconut. The 3 dishes I've listed here can be found over at Kelly's Recipe Blog. I also have been looking over at The Pioneer Woman's blog and oh my the recipes!!!!

I'll take pictures and share tomorrow....

Monday, Mon...er...Tuesday, Tuesday

It's Tuesday, May 18, 2010 there are....kidding. I really don't know how many days are left in the year.

We went to Nashville on Saturday. Now any normal person would have no problem driving down I-24 into downtown. Nope, not me. We kept getting closer to Bell Road/Blue Hole Road where all the flooding was on the interstate and I started getting antsy. Not because I thought there would be another flash flood right then, just because there was history there. People lost their lives there. So, yes, when we got to the area and I looked at the road, at the median concrete things, the trees with the debris AT THE TOP OF THEM: I cried. It was overwhelming almost....I didn't know these people. I was very blessed and still had my home, my vehicle, my possessions - my LIFE. But I cried. Thankfully, Hubs didn't look at me like I had lost my mind. I looked at him and said "sorry" and noticed he had teared up a little, too.

We made it to Lifeway where Angie Smith was signing her book. I got to talk to her for about 10 or 15 minutes and it was like talking to a friend - not someone you just met. She was sooo nice, soooo real, and soooo pretty (Even at 35 weeks pregnant with Miss Charlotte). I could have talked to her all day. Keep her in your prayers...if you have read her blog you know the anxiety she is feeling with the upcoming delivery of Miss Charlotte and some medical issues she (Angie) has been having.

Then we made our way over to the zoo. We made it through half of it before it started thundering and raining. One of the ladies in the (overpriced just because it says ZOO on it) gift shop told us that she had heard over their radio that the elephants and giraffes were going a little nuts because of the thunder so they were being put up. Oh well, another trip for another day. Maybe in the fall cause it was wicked hot. In the tiger exhibit, the bengal tiger was pacing, pacing, pacing...I wonder if he knew about the weather. It was kinda strange.

We had a great day together. I love spending time with my little family. Seems like we miss so much cause it's always run run run run run...it's nice to have a day to just do whatever.

On a different note - are there any blogs you read that you want to share? I follow a bunch of them and seem to add a new one about every week. I love it. You never know who is feeling what you are and you feel like you're the only person it's happening to.

I guess that's all for now....I'm sure I'll have more later.

Really Random....

I'm not sure where I'm going with this or how it will turn out but here it is. My mind is going in 16,000,000 directions and I hate it. I am a planner. I'm not much for being spontaneous. Yeah being spontaneous is fun and fulfilling at times, but I usually like to have some sort of idea what's going on. I wish that my mind would shut off long enough for me to get some sleep, but I don't think tonight is the night.

Do you ever have something you want to tell someone but just because of situations you don't?

Anyhow -- carry on...

I'm reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity". Holy cow. I am seeing myself on every page. Wonderful read! Barnes and Noble was offering Angie Smith's "I Will Carry You" book as an ebook for free. I downloaded that puppy and have cried most of the way through it. I highly recommend both of them. (picking back up after I went to sleep finally at 2 a.m.). I got halfway through IWCY. I kinda knew what to expect because I read Angie's blog, but it was nothing in preparation for the words of Angie as she goes through the grief surrounding the death of her daughter (who, incidentally, was born 6 months and 23 days before Leah). I cannot even begin to imagine her pain - nor do I want to.

Mother's Day was not how I had planned. Bug had her 18 month appointment on Friday. She got 2 shots...one was the Hep A (I had forgotten about her getting it but anyhow) and the other was a booster for a strep/pneum (I think) shot series she got last year. Hello, shots....welcome fever. All. Weekend. Long. We had to go to a wedding and she was in a good mood, just had that stinkin fever going on. Midday Sunday she finally got better. We didn't go to church Sunday because even though I knew it was from the shots, I didn't want to take her back there with the other kids just in case.

I still have moments when I go "wow, I'm a mom". After 8+ years of waiting and praying and crying and screaming (at John, at God, at whoever) she is here. I love that little girl so much. I'm so proud that God chose me to become her mommy. She is a special girl.

I guess I'll sign off for now...I'm sure I'll have more to say later (still a little drowsy over here).

I'm a Tennessean...

And I'm extremely proud to be one. We have a natural disaster roughly 80 miles from where I live -- in a city I love to visit, had my child at one of the hospitals there, had fun with friends there, met lifelong friends there. And most of the places that are favorites are in ruins.

Have we gotten national coverage? If you count 15 minutes coverage - sure. I told my boss the other day (and have since read it many places) the reason we don't have national coverage is because we're behaving. There aren't any reports of looting, people killing each other for whatever reason, or anything like that. There are neighbors helping neighbors. Strangers helping strangers. We are called the Volunteer State after all.

I'm also proud to be from Coffee County. A few of our fine folks on the Rescue Squad are in Nashville & other areas helping out with rescues. My cousin, Joey, works for the Franklin Fire Dept and I know he and his co-workers are working to help out too.

It's hard to look at the pictures of places that I have visited and places that I always wanted to visit, but hadn't had a chance to, in a mess. A big mess. A "it's going to take us a long time if we ever recover" mess.

So, I ask for prayers -- for lives lost and the surviving families, for the people who lost it all, the businesses (especially the mom/pop operations), the rescue workers, just everyone. Prayers work -- Leah's proof!